dreamweaver says.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 ; 5:43 PM

i'm seriously thinking of pulling out of syf.
1) i can't cope with my studies
2) there is no guarantee just who zaki will choose as the syf dancers until next year. and if i eventually don't get in, all that time and effort will be wasted, which could be put to better use such as studying and relaxing during my rightly deserved HOLIDAY.
3) i don't think i'm good enough to be chosen so instead of wasting time and waiting for him to give me the sack, i should just quit on him first.

call me a quitter. but how would you like to face psychological torment at least twice a week during his lessons in the holidays? torment meaning the ultimate pressure you feel when every milimetre of your movements are being closely scrutinized aka how you keep your thumb and which angle your joint arches. he sees it, he criticises it. and he only says the bad stuffs and doesn't affirm at all. it's basically hell. when standing before him and forced to dance alone with so many people watching and you simply have no idea where exactly went wrong when he doesn't even want to say what and you'll just to have keep doing the same thing until somebody identifies it and tells you the mistake. it can truly be the ultimate breaking point. i'm not obliged to take all this and i can just continue living my days happily and focus my time on what's more important. i know its training and trainings aren't supposed to be smooth-sailing. but to the point of making me dread doing what i like and even to fear it, i don't see why i should continue with all these crap.

but i have to come to terms with it. he's good. and i do want to improve. but all of us gave up so much for dance. at the cost of our results and academic betterment. we put in our best. and i don't think we deserve all this. unless his attitude problem changes for the better, he'll always be that storm in the otherwise utopic dance world.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006 ; 10:17 PM

okay i'm not supposed to be blogging but doing my psychology report which is due tmr. but i really have the urge to blog otherwise i'll never have a peace of mind to give my best to the report. (www.excuses.com) :P p.s: oh it's not supposed to be an actual url in use.
anyway.

today, i did something which i've never done before. an interview. an ogl interview at that too. well, i've nothing much to say regarding that except that i've pretty much threw my face out of the window. not literally though. it was quite embarrassing actually. but come to think of it maybe if i don't think so much about it, everything will seem alright. oh wells.

reading back to my first post in this blog showed me how much my style of writing and thinking and life changed. hais.. the old days...

Monday, October 23, 2006 ; 10:27 PM

i finally went back to cedar today!!
with the main purpose of collecting my long overdued o'level cert. and at the same time, visit the teachers and juniors.
firstly, the sec 4s are having their study break.
secondly, the school's having promotion day so there's no school today. the cedarians who went to school is like so few can.
thirdly, the very few teachers who were in school were having exco meeting until quite late.

so that makes up a pretty unfruitful trip for eth, van and me. :

eth, me and van. nicely capturing the cedar clock tower with van's new camera phone. :))

continued chatting at starbucks, compass point.

; 9:15 AM

wassup ppl!
I GOT PROMOTED!!! :)))
it may seem like a really small deal but it certainly wasn't easy for me to make it. cos it was a really marginal narrow scrap through for me.
wah thank God.
anyway, i promised myself i'll work consistently hard if i do get promoted.
so now i'm in the computer lab updating my blog when i'm supposed to be in the lecture theatre.
what a nice start to my resolution.
okay stop it. i will and must and die die be very serious about my resolution and i'll start hunting for tuition centres and everything.

Sunday, October 15, 2006 ; 1:01 AM

yay i like my new template. but not sure if photos will fit nicely into the frame.
let's give it a try..

well, that's the best size it can get, though it is a bit small..

Friday, October 13, 2006 ; 11:16 PM

i'm feeling happier already. not because i've looked on the brighter side but rather, choosing not to think about it by reading lots and lots of books by the authors of the shopaholic series and the princess diaries. :D nothing like some bimbotically trashy and nonsensical stories to lift me out of the gloom.

it's the fatigue again. just like the period of time when we stayed back and danced in preparation for reverie and mardi gras. after the open house and dinner when i reached home, my feet really couldn't take it anymore. i had to bathe SITTING down. and struggling to keep awake while reading at 8pm. it's a strict policy of mine to not sleep before 12 if there's no school the next day.

to joe: i was hoping you'll forget about it. ha ha. can i do the questions selectively? heh.. :P

to van: thanks. :) btw, i couldn't get eth lei. smsed n called her but she was MIA and didn't get back to me. i NEED to go back to cedar to get my o's cert. :\

to xl, joanne and xj: thanks thanks. okay, though it's hard not to worry, i still i can't help it. it's gonna be a dark wednesday on 18 oct 2006. remember to wear black. :(((

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 ; 9:45 PM

it's finally over.
so why don't i feel happy or relieved?
because i'm terrified of what my results will be.
i'm not saying this for the sake of saying it or out of humility but i'm seriously scared of getting retained.
i know where i stand and can roughly gauge how i'll fare. and i think it's really on the verge of not making it for promotion.
i said that with a serious, fearful and heavy heart. there's this looming apocalyptic feel. and i've been preparing myself for the time when they'll tell me that i need to be retained.

Monday, October 09, 2006 ; 11:58 PM

i realised i sounded very studious and i've been studying every waking hour for the past few weeks in my previous post. which is kinda true but i wonder if stuffs actually really go into my brain and stays there. :\
all i want for Christmas is to get promoted. an early Christmas present, that is. not for year 2007.
stamina fizzles out after your second last paper and your last paper takes place 5 days later. you just feel like you've finished your exams and its holiday and you can't resist the temptation to watch the korean drama serial that you've been abstaining from for the past 1 month.